From the 'In Case You Didn't Already Feel Fucking Old' Department

Baby Jessica marries.

Enough said. But at least it spawned this bit of comedic genius. (Crap, that's just something else to make me feel old: remembering when The Simpsons was actually still funny. Damn, that's a long time ago, too.)

The King of All Media

Howard Stern? Not even close. Oprah? Too altruistic. Think nerdy. (Mark Cuban? Dear God, not that freakin' nerdy.) Think iPods. Think Steve Jobs.

Yes, thanks to an almost-inked deal between Disney and Pixar, Mr. Jobs is set to become the largest individual shareholder of Disney and have a seat on the Disney board. Leader of the personal computer revolution, leader of the digital music revolution, leader of the computer animation revolution . . . now the undisputed King of All Media.

I just hope he's better at the job than our other king.