This Little Piggy Had None

You might have heard about the tiger that escaped from near a West Palm Beach residential neighborhood earlier this week and unfortunately had to be put down when it rushed a police officer. But you might not have heard about the hapless woman who offered to let police twist her pig's tail in hopes that the squealing might attraact the tiger and facilitate its capture. (Should have used a tape of Kim Cattrall in "Porky's," but that's another story . . .)

In any case, it seems that now the thoughtful pig owner is being charged with animal cruelty because, in the process of bringing the pig to officers at the scene, she transported it in her 140+ degree trunk. The woman was nonplussed at the allegations.

"I can't believe they have the gall," she said. "I was just trying to help the tiger find his way back home." She added that the trunk of her Cadillac is air conditioned, and she was planning to eat the pig when it is full grown.

Pause a moment to ponder that last phrase: She was planning to eat the pig when it is full grown. I wasn't aware that planning to eat something eventually was justfication for abusing it as much as you like in the meantime, but I'm glad to have the info.

Mr. Bush, I plan to eat you when you are full grown.